The year 2008 was a different type of year for me. It was a time to look back, but it was also a year I looked to the future.
First let me review the past. I was yearning to hear God’s voice; the way I heard God’s voice in my early years. Some say that when you are a babe in Christ; God speaks to you more often; God wants to make sure a connection is made. However, as you mature in your journey with God; God is expecting you to rely on your faith and thus, He communicates to you in less obvious ways. I am not sure if that is correct, but it certainly strengthened my faith and lessened my fears when I found out that even Mother Teresa struggled to hear God’s voice. I wrote on May 30th: “Oh God, I long so much for yesterdays, the days when I felt so close to you; I could feel your presence, I could hear your voice. I long so much for yesterdays.”
I also wanted to find my voice in this chaotic world. On 3/19, I wrote, “I need to find my voice and once I know what it is; I must have the courage to verbalize my thoughts….”
One day when I was studying Job 31:35 (Oh, that I had someone to hear me); I reflected on these words. “Do I not listen well? Do I not hear what God is telling me? I often wonder if God hears me. I never get the answer I want. It seems that life goes on and on and no words from God. People still hurt me; people still hurt others; storms continue to come and oh yes, I still sin. God help me to hear with your ears. Help my hearing to be one that can change the world because it’s a hearing of understanding, a hearing of passion, patience, justice, mercy and love. Thank you God for hearing this prayer. Amen.
I then lost two heroes from my past. My uncle Cornell passed away on October 28th; a week before the historic presidential election. I thought this to be significant as he was an advocate for justice and was a civil rights leader during my youth. I so much admired him. I was not the only one, because at his funeral 300+ came to give their respect. And yes, they were all reminded the importance of the November election—a chance to elect an African American as our president. We know how that ended.
The other person who died was a former board member of a nonprofit agency I led many years ago. Camille Klein was a special lady. The word “no” was not in her vocabulary. Her motto of “yes we can” was way ahead of her time. She was able to get all that the agency needed; whether it was in material goods and/or people’s voluntary time. She was such an angel.
I feel so grateful to have known them both. What a legacy and yes, this helped to shape my thinking for the future. What legacy will I leave; when will I retire; can I afford to retire; what will I do in my retirement. So as always I went to God.
God, I want to be your role model for people here on earth. I want to lead them…open my eyes on how to do that. Reveal the opportunities to share my leadership qualities; not in my everyday job, but in my voluntary work, in my faith community, with my side job and yes God in everything that I do and by the way, I would love to be financially compensated for it. However, God I know that’s not important to you. I trust you and I know that you want the best for me—bring me closer to your will; Amen.
